He was just there. Just right in front of me with his hand held out for me to help him. If only I had the courage to grab that hand, maybe things would turn out different. Perhaps he would still be here with me. Perhaps if I didn’t waver, we could live a happy ending.

But I did.

There’s no helping it now.

“Good day, ma’am! How may I help you?” Marcus, as boldly written on his embossed name tag, rushed to address my concern with a huge smile on his face.

Guess where I’m at.

“Excuse, ma’am?” He sighed. “I know that this would be a quite silly question, and the answer, perhaps, could be obvious, but I still would like to know.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Are you here for an adoption?”

Yes, folks, you’re right.

And I just had to reply in a sarcastic tone.

“Why, Marcus, how smart of you to ask that-” What I really meant by these words was ‘Yes. I’m sorry for spacing out’ “-but I would really, truly, appreciate it if you respect the spare time I’ve allotted myself to take a deep breath and let it all out in one shot.” Sorry and sorry were the words I had in mind upon messing with this innocent, straightforward guy. You see, what I want to say in my head turns out different in reality. Rather than apologizing, even though that’s what I want to do, I’d be digging this person’s grave. Same with saying a simple thank you. I’m more twisted than what you think I could turn out to be.

I looked straight at his eyes and saw an urge to roll his eyes at me, but he didn’t which made me sigh in relief; otherwise, I’d be sighing like thunder and pull his hair out through my words.

“Well then, ma’am-” He stopped and waited for me to continue.

“Rebecca.” I gestured him to continue.

He smiled and continued, “-ma’am Rebecca, may I see the papers? I believe you’ve filled out the form before meeting with me.”

I handed him the form. He continued the conversation as he read the paper I filled out for about a week ago. “Ah… I see,” He nodded as if he just found victory. “Ma’am Rebecca, you maybe a lawyer, but you’re not in court to attack me in any sort of way-whether by word or by conduct. Remember, you’re at an adoption center, and part of the details needed here are your capabilities of becoming a good parent. We’d be evaluating you, regardless of protocol.”

Interesting. I can’t believe that there really is someone you call ‘fool’. Wait. Rebecca. That’s not what’s important right now. You’re not even sure if you could pass as a parent! And, you’ve already talked down to this person. You should admit your mistake and apologize right now!

“Oooooh. How intimidating,” In reflex, I smiled. Ugh! “But I’m certain that I am what you call a good parent as pertained by you, yourself. I’m quite confident.” I nodded as I said the last sentence. I just can’t believe I picked another fight with this person.

“Good because our agency is certain to find all kinds of faults with you just to see how  capable you are of taking care of children and loving them.” He smirked, gave me his number, and told me that anytime soon, he’d be calling to inform me more about the process for adoption.

This sure isn’t easy.